Friday, April 13, 2012

When Lance is King of Texas, You Will Wish You Had Killed His Pet Projects Back in 2012

We live in a world where it is no longer enough to be Mr. Universe, then the wealthiest actor in Hollywood, then marry a hot news anchor from the Kennedy family. To be truly satisfied, apparently, one must knock a knowledgable accountant out of the race to fix your state's budget crisis, then sit on the Governor's throne, and then boink the maid. For the record, "Conan the Republican" left the California governatorship as a card-carrying liberal. I warned my friends working for his 2003 Total Recall campaign not to come crying to me when he sells them down the river. (They came crying to me anyway.) Every dark cloud has a silver lining, though; my accountant guy is now a Congressman named McClintock.

I don't think California would still be in such dire straits financially now if McClintock had been elected governor way back in 2003. Hindsight is 20/20? Not for me. It's foresight, if I could ever get anyone to listen!

But what do we care about California politics? We are snuggled safely in our Texas cocoon, comforted by a braggadocious budget surplus (take THAT, Cali!) and are far too savvy to allow Sacramento shenanigans in Austin...right?

Ah, but we live in a world where it's no longer enough to be a world-class athlete, then the wealthiest rider of two-wheeled contraptions on the planet, then engaged to a hot pop singer who happens to be the great-granddaughter of former Congressman Crow. To be truly satisfied, apparently, one must lobby for tax increases and new regulations across the country in the name of fighting cancer, then wait for the right election "cycle" to knock out Slick Rick, then ditch the famous fiancĂ© just as she is diagnosed with cancer—as if it is contagious.

Oh, whaddya know! Here comes Tour de Lance racing toward the Congress Avenue finish line in his three-piece suit, looking very gubernatorial! What a twist! Didn't see that coming!

Actually, if you are reading this, you did.

With the regulatory and oppressive record King Lance would give us, I am frankly surprised that those yellow Livestrong bands weren't styled to fit a bit higher on the arm, say, around the bicep.

Armstrong is currently co-chair of a California campaign committee to pass Proposition 29, the so-called California Cancer Research Act, a misleading ballot measure Californians will (hopefully) vote down on June 5, 2012. If passed, the measure is projected to confiscate well over $500 million dollars annually for bureaucratic government use by levying an additional $1-per-pack tax on tobacco products in already smokeless California. Revenues will also be spent on government-appointed smoking-cessation programs and on more criminal-making tobacco law enforcement. Yes, we are all pretending that Californians are solvent and can stomach another burdensome tax, more bureaucratic oversight into private business, and more crowding in prisons for victimless crimes.

Ask yourself: why does Mr. L.A. care so much about the taxes in L.A.? I thought all he wants to do is have some fun! I am sure his heart is in the right place, but he is fooling himself to dream that "the cure" for cancer will magically be discovered by a state government who has spent itself out of existence. It's just smoke and mirrors!

California itself is dying of the cancer of greed, mismanagement, and burdensome taxation. Its demise will be epic if extreme measures are not taken. My first suggestion is for Californians to NOT pass this current extreme measure, this new tax called Prop 29.

Call your friends in California and warn them about the taxes that are still spreading like cancer. If you don't, we could be fighting an uphill battle with a flat bike tire here in Texas. Team Lance is quick, conditioned, well-funded, and very good at winning races. Foresight is 20/20.


FreeMartinNow said...

I'm guessing that somewhere out there, a video exists that shows Lance performing in his racing outfit on his knees at Bohemian Grove. Unfortunately, it is Cali, and the worship of Moloch may work to his advantage.

Anonymous said...

What is this, high school?

We don't have to let jocks rule the roost. We're a geek-ocracy in Austin, damn it!

Andy Penrose said...

Why do you think I moved to Texas...I couldn't afford to live in California anymore! Now I have no state tax, cheaper gas, way cheaper housing....cheaper everything with equal salaries....all nestled in the buckle of the Bible belt. GOD BLESS TEXAS!

Orinoco said...

Government programs don't actually pretend to fix anything or remedy any problem, the mission statement prominently displayed on every agency wall notwithstanding. They can generally be best described as "Jobs For The Boys."

Orinoco said...

Before running for Governor, Lance should have to at least beat Tony Sanchez in a debate.

Orinoco said...

In Spanish.